Monday, February 22, 2010

Vox populi, pt. I

As Gaspard related to you earlier this week, he was recently bedridden after a vicious beating delivered by the Chinatown Tongs. Ironically, one of the thugs used a pair of industrial-sized kitchen tongs to do it. They had originally intended to kill him, but as my friend mentioned I am something of an Orientalist and consequently I can often be found in Chinatown. When he dropped my name, they immediately let him go--in hopes that he would lead them directly to me, as I owe them even larger amounts of money. Suffice it to say, their enmity obliges me to disguise myself every time I visit Canal Street to treat my "stiff back." Luckily, Gaspard has been smart enough to keep them off my scent, and so for the past week we have communicated solely by letters sent by street urchin.

By coincidence, I have also been confined to my bed during this time with a terrible case of pleurisy (see the Health post). By and by, our correspondence turned to focus the maladies that all rakes inevitably face, and which of them was most vexing. Gaspard initially said Syphilis, and I rebutted with Mercury poisoning. He then countered with exanthemata, and I posited Consumption. In the end, we realized that since more and more people have been perusing this little record, and have presumably learned at least a little bit from the instructions contained herein, we might as well ask you what you think - not because we care how much you have learned, but we have wagered several packs of cigarettes on the outcome.

That's right--you're not imagining things--we actually want to hear from you. Every last bastard or hussy among you. You can find the poll in the top right corner of the page. We will be posting a new question weekly, so look forward to extending your input regularly.

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